Thanks to my very good friend, I am encouraged to put in black and white my contemplations.

How more timely my contemplation on justice can be.  Today I saw an exhibit commemorating Leonard Co, a well known Botanist that was killed in the mountains of Leyte, during a so called encounter between the Philippine Armey and the National Peoples Army (NPA). The bullets that killed the Leonard Co belonged to the Philippine Armey, and till now they have not been condemned, hence the exhibit is called Justice for Leonard Co. His story was told in the exhibit, and it was a good story. He had discovered several species of plants that can only be found in the Philippines while working with the upland communities, and now he is gone.

We all move on with our lives, is what I thought. We all do, and we all should. But so many injustices happen. For instance, in the news the other day I heard of a child being physically abused by her guardians, and I thought, how many more children are physically abused? Forced into child labor? Have no parents? Live in inhumane conditions? These children are our future. We all move on with our lives is what I thought.

Even in places such as high courts where justice must be served, where the Lady Justice that is blind folded from biases reside, does not seem to do the right thing anymore. Lady Justice has left the building. And we all move on with our lives. We all should.

I guess the thought of continuing with our own lives, with our own hobbies, with our own luxuries, going to the beach, buying what we want and not only what we need, with our own loves. How does it work? How is justice served? For people such as I, that live very comfortably, that has a roof on my head, a job, a family, and for people that have more that I do, what is our part in serving justice? 

According to my favorite professor in College, delayed gratification is postponing rewarding oneself, or ones wants till the right time, the opposite of instant gratification. For instance if you want to buy a TV, to save up for it for six months and buy it afterwards is an example of delayed gratification. To pay through credit card and save up for it, while enjoying your Sony LCD 3D plasma flat screen, is an example of instant gratification.

It’s like you just have to have in NOW. In a world where everything is instant, and the slower life is taken for granted, or completely obliterated, I wonder if delayed gratification still has its place here and now?

I was thinking that social media- such as twitter- mind you I have a twitter account- precisely encourages instant gratification- such as twitting what you feel- in an instant. One click and you feel better just because you ranted out to the world that you’re hungry, or sleepy. I read in one article that social media sites such as these encourage cyber empathy, having support from family and friends through these means. There will be a different space to ponder about that.  

Even PhD’s and other courses are shortened, 3 month courses, 1 year masters, from undergrad to Ph.D. One can have a masters or a doctorate degree, the shortest time possible the better. It’s like we are in such a hurry, what ever happened to delayed gratification?  Maybe it’s the fault of the philosophers that always say time is of the essence. People try to take things and compress them into a short span of time, like filling a backpack with all your things. Why not be friends with time, have tea with it. Why do we need to abuse it, and get it over with? It is funny, in trying to accomplish so many things in the time we have, with the stress we get, we certainly will die in a short span of time.

I am saving up for my future, and my families future, I certainly need to practice delayed gratification here. Though it’s not so easy for me to spend my salary, not even on big things, but food, and going out, I have to restrain myself. This is what got me thinking. I have to be smarter than that to be able to think about the future, to be able to think about something that I do not see yet.

Delayed gratification, whether it is a virtue that we must all practice, or a luxury that people don’t have, it certainly is a thing that is becoming obsolete. Wouldn’t it be so much rewarding if we really work hard for the things we have, or will get? Wouldn’t the value of things material and non material be more if is not instant? If so, then I wonder how we can say that we are doing anything valuable at all. 

I experience firsthand what it is like in the life of a government official. It is not easy, and the irritating thing is that SOME people think it is all about pride and glory. Whoever they are should get their values and priorities straightened out.

People will always ask help from you, which is really your role because you are a public servant. It comes with it. I am thinking that wouldn’t it be much more of a help if the help you give is through the correct processes? Hence the focus really should be in making right and efficient the processes where people could ask for help. It is not easy, and many people are pitching in to precisely do this, and make services easily available.

It is hard to shun those people who ask help from you because you are personally acquainted to him or her, it is not easy to say “go through the normal process”. What if it is an immediate need? What if it is a matter of life and death? Again it is part of the job.

The ideal situation is to really work hard to fix the red tape in the government so that people could have access to service and do not have to personally ask for help.

1. Fixing the problem is not as easy as 1, 2, 3, viola!

2. Rejecting or ignoring people who ask help from you is also difficult. Especially if they really need it.

3. It breaks my heart not being able to find a solution.

4. It breaks my heart to know that asking help personally will give them more chances of getting the help they need, rather than following standard procedure.

We must admit that not everything can be solved. The important thing is that we do our best to find long lasting sustainable solution. For the mean time as we are zealously trying to make change happen, as we are patiently waiting to see its results, as I see these things, it is all about toughing up, being strong, and dealing with it. 

Happy New Year everyone!!! I did a little new year’s cleaning, and I saw a lot of papers, notes, books, and magazines that I have collected throughout this year, as well as the previous years. It got a little sentimental, and hence I reflected a bit on the lessons I learned this year, the crucial points, and the plans ahead for 2011.

It is the year of the rabbit, which is the year I was born, according to Chinese belief, this is supposed to be a good year for me.

Lessons and crucial points from 2010:

1. When you know their names

I am working in an Environmental NGO under Miriam College: Environmental Studies Institute. This is my first job, and I consider myself lucky because I get to do what I like- what I pictured I was going to be doing. That is community work in a rural area- working for sustainable development. On July I will be hitting my second year in this job. The thing is it took a while for me to get to know the ropes of the institution, get to know the people I am working with, and most importantly get used to doing field work- the rough stuff. When I finally got the hang of it, specially the part of calling the people in the area I work in by their first names, it got fulfilling, it got personal. After this, I always told myself, when you know their names, your work elevates to a whole new level.

2. Enjoying the scenery on a detour

I swore that I will be going to Banaue to see the rice terraces on my birthday. As a celebration of me, it didn’t happen. Well I had a blast on my birthday, different from the hiking and site seeing I imagined, but I had a blast. Same goes with all the little things I plan, that did not go exactly as I imagined it. Hey, enjoy the scenery on a detour. I do admit, it’s easier said than done, but it’s better than complaining and regretting which both gets you nowhere.  

3. LOVE

I always prayed to get to know what it feels like to be IN LOVE. Even if it hurts, because when it hurts that’s an indicator of deep emotion for a particular person. I’m not sure if I’m there yet. What I do know is that it hurts when you don’t spend time with your family, it hurts when you fight with a friend, it hurts if you don’t love your job, it hurts when you don’t find time to pray. I might be looking and looking and looking for love, and sometimes you just have to open your eyes and see all the love hat is happening around you.

Plans for 2011:

1. LOVE

I will do things with great love and great passion. As Mother Theresa said: you cannot do great things, only small things with great love. I will keep on looking and finding love all around me.

2. Actualize MY YEAR

It is MY YEAR, and my philosophy is that YOU MAKE THINGS HAPPEN. Its just that it is Chinese belief that I am a little luckier this year, which means double time, double effort, because supposedly, luck is on my side. If things don’t go as I imagined them to be, enjoy the scenery honey, and keep on driving.

Happy New Year everyone! Have a good one, a really good one.

Faith, Hope, and Love can change the world.

Do all things this year with great love and great passion.

1. Fire fly watching in some river in Indonesia or Malaysia

2. Drink tequila in Mexico

3. Eat pizza in Naples

4. Go to the Amazon

5. Take the Binondo tour

6. Batanes.

7. Verde Island

8. Banaue

9. Go to a virgin beach east of Luzon along the Sierra Madre mountain trail

10. Cagayan de Oro, Bukidnon, Davao trail tour

11. Finish a triathalon

I was sitting in the jeepney this morning, going home from jogging in UP, and I was wondering what the other people in the jeep were thinking, as I usually do in crowded place or when I’m commuting.

One guy looked like a student and he looked like he was going to hang out with his friends, he’s probably thinking what he will order in Starbucks or what he and his friends will discuss when he gets to Starbucks.

An old couple entered the jeep with a bag full of groceries- it looked like they had a store that sold Mami noodles. The lady was probably thinking about the cooking and the guy was thinking about the change they need when they will open their store in the afternoon.

Another girl looked blank. She was probably thinking about something deep, like a family problem or problem with her boyfriend.

Another woman did not look like she was thinking much; she looked like she just wanted to be where she’s going.

Then I thought, well, all of us who were riding in the jeep are thinking about WHERE WE ARE HEADED. It is a constant thought of EVERYBODY. Where are we headed next? Though we all have our concerns, we have our own thoughts, in the end we ask ourselves where are we headed?  

I was pondering about the individual problems of people are how they evolve, and how they come about. I think that in developing countries people’s problems generally are basic- food, shelter, survival. In developed countries where they are passed having to acquire basic necessities people move on to more complex problems such as family problems, problems with peers, problems with self satisfaction. Not that these problems don’t happen in underdeveloped countries, its just that developed countries have more time for these kinds of problems.

So I asked myself what is the lesser evil? An underdeveloped country but with people knowing how to deal with their everyday problems, or a developed country where the smallest things are blown out of proportion, where people problematize miniscule things?

Of hand a developed socialist state where services are given to its people is a really good thing. There just needs to be ways to remind people of the basics in life, to not forget how to learn to survive on your own. For children, to grow up with strong values foundations, that they would know how to handle the problems that life will serve them.

Forgive Me- I Am only God
R.P. Arsenio C.  Jesena, SJ

I do not speak your language,
I do not titillate,
I don’t caress,
I do not give orgasmic ecstasy,

And so, compared to your great lovers,
Compared to your reality,
I am inadequate, I am uncaring,
I am irrelevant, I am untrue.

Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me,
I do not speak your language,
For I am only God.

But… I speak the stars,
I speak the mood!
I speak the ocean, the river, and the rain!
I speak the little baby!
I speak the lovely rose!
I speak your eyes, your hands,
The beating of your heart,

I speak forgiveness,
I dry the tears,
I heal your wounds,
I am the loving presence,
I am the tender touch,
When your are lost
And broken and alone.

And when the numbness
And the terror of your shattered, black
Dead night is gone…
I still continue-holding,
Shielding, warming
Your lonely, frail and trembling hand.

AND then I speak the glorious sunrise!
I speak the brilliant splendor
of the dawn
I AM YOUR RESURRECTION-
Come then my child,
Let us begin again…
Let us begin again!

I am Eternity. I am the Truth.
I am the Source, the Meaning of all life!
I am your Perfect Father-Mother!
I AM YOUR HOME!!!
I speak the language of your soul,
I am the meaning of true love.

Please, please forgive me,
For I am only God.

Patawad- Diyos Lamang Ako
R.P. Arsenio C.  Jesena, SJ
Salin ni Benilda S. Santos, Ph.D

Hindi ko wika and wika mo,
Hindi ako nakakakilig,
Hindi ako nangangarinyo.
Hindi ako nagdudulot ng karurukan,

Kaya kung ihahambing sa iyong mga dakilang mangingibig,
Kung ihahambing sa iyong realidad,
Kapos ako, nagkikibit-balikat,
Laos, di-totoo.

Patawad, patawad, patawad,
Hindi ko wika and wika mo.
Dahil Diyos laman ako.

Subalit… sambit ko ang buituin,
Sambit ko ang buwan!
Sambit ko and dagat and ilog at ang ulan!
Sambit ko ang munting sanggol!
Sambit ko ang marikit na rosas!
Sambit ko ang iyong mata, iyong kamay,
Ang tibok ng iyong puso.

Sambit ko ang pagpapatawad,
Tinutuyo ko ang luha,
Pinaghihilom ko and iyong sugat,
Ako ang lumiliyag,
Ako ang masuyong haplos,
Kapag naliligaw ka,
At sira anf loob, at nag-iisa.

At kapag ang pamamanhid
At ang pagkagimabl ng iyong basag-basag, madalim, bankay na gabi ay lumipas na…
Nananatili ako nakaalalay,
Nagliligatas, nagpapadaloy ng buhay
Sa iyong nagugulilang mahina nanginginig na palad.

At pagkuwa’y sambit ko ang kariktan ng pasikat ng araw!

Sambit ko ang nagniningning na kaluwalhatian ng bukang-liwayway
Ako ang iyong muling-pagkabuhay!
Halika na, aking anak,
Magsimula tayong muli…
Magsimula tayong muli!

Ako ang Walang-hanggan. Ako and Totoo.
Ako ang Pinagmumulan, ang kahulugan ng tanang buhay!
Ako ang iyong ganap na Ama-Ina!
Ako ang iyong Tahanan!!!
Sambit ko ang wika ng iyong kaluluwa,
Ako ang kahulugan ng tunay na pag-ibig.

Sana’y patawarin, patawarin mo na ako.
Ako na Diyos lamang.

Walking in the rain
I’m getting wet and no one notices
I could see every drop

Holding the umbrella, dark street, full moon
covered with clouds.

After a hard days work you give yourself a pat on the back
A deep sense of appreciation in your eyes, while looking in the mirror

Walking in Christmas time, appreciating the dancing lights,
celebrating this season of joy

When your hurt, when the chemicals in your body is deranged
You find solace in escape, in acceptance, in yourself.
That’s life, you think to yourself

You don’t want to bother people with your petty complains,
while others have real problems

You always give yourself some self assurance
You have a loving family, good friends and are financially stable.

What more can you ask for?

And your faith, your faith is your reason for living.

I am very grateful, much much grateful for this.
But am very lonely, very, very, very lonely  

While philosophers are investigating the answers of life,
economists are thinking and searching for economic systems,
politicians are struggling for power,
specialists are arguing over theories,
barristers are drafting laws.
social workers are speaking of freedom,
humanitarians are speaking of human rights,
Monks are delivering sermons to the people,
rice farmers in the village are harvesting rice.

Those rice kernels
shall feed the people.

 taken from: Thongyu, Apichart, Reflections of a Village Development Worker in Community Management by David Korten (1986)